It's not an easy task to sum up a year, especially one with so many changes. 2011 was the year I became known as much for production management and casting in porn, as I did for modeling. Therefore I connected with fellow models, and porn insiders in a whole new way. It gave me the opportunity to submerge myself even further into the 'image industry', while challenging me to maintain a sense of self, and try not to lose the connections with the people I cared most about. A very difficult thing for those brethren who work behind the scenes in porn, or for any type of media position that puts you in the middle of the 'beautiful people bubble'. It is all consuming, and it is impossible to not take your work home with you. No regrets though. It elevated me in the eyes of my peers, and gave me a new sense of confidence I hadn't had
before. I could talk to anyone, no matter how arrestingly beautiful, or no matter how powerful.... Like they were my buddy from high school.
That confidence allowed me to take more risks with the brand that is Race Cooper. I didn't say no to opportunities that presented itself this year, when my stock started to rise. A new DVD line for Edger9, great! A sponsorship with a lube company, awesome. A new monthly Hot Nerd party at a bar, FAN-fucking-tastic! All would dissolve in one way or another... But I felt the train of transition speeding up in my life, and I went along for the ride. It all felt good, and they were necessary experiences. Especially when considering that to fail at some things, it's preparation for what comes next. Again, no regrets.
This marked the year I fell in love with another model. Something I swore to myself before I'd never do. But as my life was getting faster, and my ability to stay connected to my friends and family became waned, the train ride was becoming lonely. I ultimately wanted someone to share my life, someone that would understand the amount of crazy-fucked-up I would deal with on a normal basis. Someone to support me, and for me to support back. But starting a relationship in such a public way, always amounts to the sum of it's parts. A relationship that seems more for show, and less about a deep connection between two people. I have no regrets about being with Felix. He's a sweet man, and he will always be dear to me. However, breaking up has given me the ability to enjoy the single ride ticket I'm on right now, and more than that use the energy that I would towards trying to maintain a long distance relationship, and direct it towards forging stronger ties to family and friends.
This year. This train ride. Has been a transition. Not just of the journey from point A to B, but of the journey to C and D and E, with a regular stop at F. But I feel the the train of transition has made all the stops it's going to for the next while.... And that 2012 is now going to be a monumental shift. I'm changing platforms, and getting ready for the Express. All the stops and starts before, are preparing me for the fast speed and long journey ahead. I'm on my own now. Modeling, acting, performing more than I ever have before. I'm traveling internationally... Not constrained by a position at a company, and not tied down to a boyfriend. When new ventures present themselves, I will question more whether they take more time away from me, than provide monetary gain. Time is a commodity you can't get back. It's worth more, piglets. I'm alone... But not lonely, as I now seem to be driving this speed train, and I'm bringing you all along with me. Get ready 2012... All aboard. Next stop. Race Cooper 2.0.
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