Thursday, August 18, 2011

Porn Star Advice: Dealing with the Haters

Every once and awhile models ask me for advice. I have no idea why. I guess it's because I'm a good listener, and I've worked for a long time both in front and behind the camera. I recently got an email from a model, and after I answered him, I realized this might be a new thing to blog about.... Granted, I don't believe I'm a guru in any way, but I do have the ability to not get bothered by much, and to make light of a bad situation. So here it goes piglets..... Porn advice via Dear Race.
Dear Race,

Hey... I have a question and I was wondering if you can tell me what you think. I've had a few blog posting comments sent to me from some people, and I've read a few on my own and I'm noticing more and more how people are ripping me apart on these blogs and forums. I'm getting some good feedback, but other times I'm seeing people being complete dicks and criticizing me for everything. Is this normal? Has the same thing happened to you in the past? I'm trying not to take it personally, but I can't help but wonder if this is reflective of something I am doing (or not doing) in the scenes I have done. What do you think?

LV


Dear LV,

I'm afraid to say it's very normal, unfortunately. Blame it on the anonymity of the internet, whatever. It's the double-edged sword from being in the industry. Fans will put you on a pedestal and treat you like a god, others will make snarky disgusting comments that they would never do to someone, face to face. You have to take all comments, the good and the bad, with a grain of salt. Don't waste too much time listening to any of it. Say thank you for the good comments, ignore the insults. There's nothing worse that you can do (for your porn career), but to answer back on some piss-ant fucker who writes bile, just to see their words in print. You can never win an online war... so the best thing to do is just ignore them. Otherwise they know they've gotten to you, and it helps promote and elevate them, and their useless and hate filled vitriol even more.

It happened to me a great deal, when I first began.... Not as much anymore. Once people notice you have a thick skin, they seem to give up. This has absolutely nothing to do with you, or what you are doing. Let me make that clear. It's really just... sour grapes. Don't write about or reply to comments. Don't bring anymore attention to them. It's their 15 minutes, and it's sadly all they have. Listen to your friends, they know you more than anybody.... and they'll probably say, that you're doing a great job, and are nothing short of fabulous. :)

6 comments:

  1. Hey Race GREAT advice .. like you said sometimes its best to ignore the negative comments as by engaging they get attention which continues to feed their insecurity. I guess it comes with being in the business. Know that in most cases its not about you but about them and their need to put someone down to build their own fragile/weak ego.
    Victor

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  2. I think it's more complicated than sour grapes. Gay porn fans have a love/hate thing with performers. We adore you for the your looks and the great sex we think you are having. Despise you for the very same thing :-) It's sort of like the folk who love sports, but HATE athletes.

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  3. You think it's ok for a person to write insincere overly complimentary blog posts and comments in an effort to see their words in print, but you frown upon negative comments being posted with the very same motivation? That makes no sense at all. The truth is that a lot of negative comments come from people who have met porn stars in person or from people who dislike the social media personas of some performers. People rarely piss on you anymore because you're in front of the camera these days. Sometimes people say mean things not out of insecurities or weakness, but rather the fact they just are NOT into you. A lot of times it's way off the mark to accuse them of being insecure haters. I would that truly insecure people feel the need to surround themselves with yes people who always tell they are fabulous.

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  4. I meant: because you're not really in front of the camera these days.

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