Tuesday, March 12, 2013

The Silence is Deafening

I had first met Wilfried Chevalier aka Wilfried Knight, when I had only been in porn for a year. Although I had always been a great admirer of his, for many years previous. The blessing for both of us, was that we shared admiration for each other equally... and became friends over talks about politics and science. He loved nature, and could be found outside enjoying it, at any moment he possibly could. We laughed until it hurt some times, when we were joking. Times in which we had some break, from the people others knew us as.... and I'm heartbroken that he's gone. There is so much sorrow here, I can't even swallow the air I'm breathing. There are too many questions.  They rapidly fire through my brain, all starting with why?  The answer is harder to hear....because there is none. The silence is deafening. I can only hear Wilfried's voice, with his cute french accent... getting excited about a hike, or about the lyrics in Madonna's new album, and what she was going through when she wrote it. He really loved her journey.

His journey, was a life both in front of the camera, as well as a life outside.  However, most importantly it was a life with his partner Jerry. They both loved each other immensely. With that amount of love, they did everything in their power to stay together. But laws regarding gay marriage, and a lack of empathy fought against it. With Jerry taking his life a couple weeks prior, my friend Wilfried, followed by taking his. I have gone through my share of friends committing suicide, and I can say that it's the shittiest thing to fucking go through... and it never gets easier. What I do take away from it is a simple sentence.  It is a permanent solution, to a temporary problem. Both Jerry and Wilfried took their lives, because they couldn't find any other solution to this problem.

Perhaps in a way that is the only answer, any of us will have in this tragedy. I implore all of you that read this... that are touched, hurting, connected to Wilfried, or myself... to not keep it to yourself. To share. To tell someone that you care about them, to lend a hand, or an ear.... to let this dark hollowed pain not be for nothing. To let no one you know feel alone, unable to find solutions. There is no more time to be silent as people we love are leaving us.  There is no reason for this to continue. Where the silence had burrowed into our collective consciousness... there is room now for an idea to grow. An idea that we as a gay community can do better, in keeping our friends safe from harm.  In speaking up and letting everyone understand what gay rights are. That they are indeed the rights of everyone... and maybe have some empathy for us.  It's an idea that has legs... and if it keeps growing and being fed.... It could be seen by the world. It's an idea... that I'm sure, Wilfried would have nurtured.  Especially along one of his many long walks.

I will miss you greatly, Wilfried... you were truly one of a kind. I know that you're at peace with Jerry... and that you both are walking hand in hand together.... the view must be amazing.  Au revoir, mon ami.


  1. That was a touching and heartfelt tribute to your Friend Race!! I could feel the emotion in it!

  2. I hear you Race. I wrote on Wilf's facebook that it was incredible that Jerry took his life as a result of DOMA really [as well as the homophobia of that wretched company]. So I was VERY surprised that Wilf also took his own life. He must have felt devastated by losing his partner; I cannot imagine. So there are two deaths to lay at DOMA's feet. But really the harborers of intolerance would cheer at there being fewer gays to deal with. That is just so sad. Touching tribute.


  3. I believe in life as a research of the souls linked to you in previous "experience", on the night between the 3rd and the 4th of march I felt very bad, and the 3rd of march i wake up and feel as i missed someone very important. This really scares me 'cause it never happened and i don't know if it's linked to what happened to Wilfried. I think that life is a search of the people you were forever connected in past lives and of the new ones with which to continue this wonderful journey. I have the same problems as cancer, and more or less the same age as Wilfried, and when I read the news I had a shot to my heart. I'm so sorry that a nice person who has suffered so much is gone in a way so tragic. I hope the in his new life he'll find all the godd people and all the love he didn't find now. He deserve it. (xcuse for my english, I'm Italian...) A big hug to all those who love him, FreetoLove74