Monday, March 1, 2010

These are Black Facts. (21-28)


Black Fact #21 - Rarely will you see black people go to see horror movies in the theater. Something about tempting fate. If you hear someone say, "Dude, did you see how easily he killed that black person first?" Chances are you're at a horror flick, and everyone's eyeing the lone negro eating popcorn.


Black Fact #21 - Rarely will you see black people go to see horror movies in the theater. Something about tempting fate. If you hear someone say, "Dude, did you see how easily he killed that black person first?" Chances are you're at a horror flick, and everyone's eyeing the lone negro eating popcorn.


Black Fact #22 - It's no secret that black people love to hear themselves talk. They are masters in oratory skills! Preachers, presidents, and black chicks speaking loudly on their cell phones on the bus... they want you to listen to them. It would literally kill them, if they couldn't talk. "Did you hear about Mr. Jackson dying? Yeah, death by vow of silence. Crying shame."


Black Fact #23 - A round butt is a magnet for black people. Even if you have never talked to a black person, your round butt already has. It's bought that black person a drink from across the bar, made out with them, fucked them, and made them breakfast in the morning... So, don't be surprised if the black person puts their hand down your crack, before saying hello to you.


Black Fact #24 - Black people love to say the n-word. LOVE IT! But like so many things that we love, we were afraid of white people copying us (see music., culture, fashion) and starting to say it too.... So we told them it was 'racist', and made them say 'african-american' instead. Genius, huh?


Black Fact #25 - The black nod, is not just a salutation, but for us to indicate who we can count on in a black emergency. We never know when we'll be rounded up again, and we want to be READY!


Black Fact #26 - Fried Chicken is a staple of the black diet. It is one of the five food groups. BBQ Chicken, Grilled Chicken, Jerk Chicken and Rotisserie are the others. If you are a black person denying yourself Fried Chicken, you will be cursed... and everything will taste like chicken anyway.


Black Fact #27 - Dreadlocks is just a hairstyle to black people. It doesn't have that much of the culture surrounding it.... so don't ask us for weed on the street. We don't have any for you. Now, that white dude with dreadlocks, who smells funky, and is giving out pamphlets on saving a political prisoner.... HE HAS WEED!!!


Black Fact #28 - Being black is exhausting! Glad I can go back to being Canadian now..... Yay, for whooping American ass! :)



9 comments:

  1. i hope this is simply in jest my dude, because alot of that is not true.

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  2. Really Daniel? You need to ask if I'm joking??? Okay, yeah.... this is satire. Extreme black satire. Except for the parts that are true.

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  3. Your chicken jokes are amusing to say the least. But as you know white people eat more chicken than black people do. Fried chicken is a staple of the black diet regretfully. These other kinds of chicken are probably more common among white folks. I can not imagine any self respecting black person eating jerk chicken.
    Black folks love horror movies. We normally watch them at home though. We love dvds as opposed to going to the theater. It is safer at home or least some of the time it is safer.

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  4. Now that black history month is over. Praise Jesus which group are you going to try and make fun of. By the way, the national republican party chairman is from maryland which might explain his accent. listen more carefully to black Americans our speech patterns are really no different than white Americans. looking forward to more humor you did provide a few good laughs

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  5. Bite your tongue Lenny for saying no self-respecting black person would eat jerk chicken! I know plenty of Jamaicans (me being part of that heritage) that would beat you down for a comment like that. We don't eat jerk from a bottle.... REAL JERK CHICKEN!!! OMG.... Did I just get upset over chicken?? I must be black.

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  6. This is the most profound list of my life. I have learned so much. Now I'm off to have fried chicken and Franks hot sauce with white (wonder) bread! God bless your black ass!!!

    <3

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  7. Brethren Dreadlocks is NOT only a hairstyle to some Black people, DONT tell a yardman/ Jamaican that, My X lover was a Rastafarain. The most stiunning Black man with dreads down to his waist.. Me not a Rasta BUT I have a cousin in Florida that is so I know a bit about the beliefs/ tenets of Rastafarianism and The significance of that in their religion. Being born and bred in Ja. I may not agree with all the beliefs of said religion BUT I can appreciate the need for others to identify self as they see fit.

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