For a short while when I first started playing with boys, I identified myself as bi-sexual. Then I met my first husband, and since we were monogamous, it made more sense to identify as gay. This was despite most of my friends being straight dudes, and tending to have closer relationships to my dudes, then my gay counterparts. After I became single again, I couldn't deny that I was still attracted to girls, and started datin
g and having sex with women off and on. However, I never told people I was bi. Somehow, I got the feeling that by saying 'gay', both straights and gay friends would feel more comfortable. Don't know why they do... but it seems to be echoed in the gay porn industry. Which I gotta say is pretty fucking confusing, considering all the attention that 'gay-for-pay' straight dudes get. The only other guy I know who is out about his bi-sexuality, as a porn star is Dak Ramsey. Even though there's more than a few of us out there... including myself, and Nash Lawler, we constantly feel compelled to check 'gay' on our applications when working for gay porn studios. There's a language that gay guys understand, and feel comfortable when talking to other gay guys; and PUSSY is not a part of their vocabulary. But in an industry where masculinity and
perceived 'jock' personalities are put on a pedestal, why is there still this apprehension towards being bi? Dak and I have talked about it at times... and neither one of us can figure it out. We're not confused about our sexuality, so why is everyone else seem perplexed by it? Maybe it goes back to high school. Where everyone could talk about who they were boning, except for the gay guys. Now, able to be fully absorbed in a world of gay intercourse, I find whenever I talk to my gay friends about my female fuck buddy.... they want to change the subject. Are they reverting back to the locker room in their mind, where they don't have the ability to share in sexual exploits, no matter who the conquest was? If we as a queer community, and a queer porn industry really value non-conformity, and want everyone to enjoy whatever 'floats their boat', when people are paying for only the fantasy... why can't we talk the language of bi? Why do we give a fuck, who he's fucking?
what a great post. do you mind if i refer to it and provide a link on my blog?
ReplyDeleteGo for it!!! I'd be honored....
ReplyDeleteThanks, Race, for bring this forward. Andre Gide said it best: Nothing is so mysterious as the sexual tastes of others.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWow! You play as many roles as can be imagined with other men and you like pussy, to boot? Awesome! You rock.
ReplyDeleteEdited to add: Having said that, when are we going to see you eating/fucking some snatch?
Thanks man! Not sure when that will happen.... have always wanted to do a scene eating snatch while getting fucked by a guy with a big dick.... know any studios that are interested?
ReplyDeleteFYI, I wrote my post and linked you....
ReplyDeletehttp://thelisp.blogspot.com/2009/07/bi-now-gay-later.html
thanks, again!
x
Cool post Kevin!!! But I can totally give you a better picture for that.... That one with me in the FAGGOT shirt, looks like I'm half asleep! :)
ReplyDeleteAmazing. You're part of an industry where bisexuality and bisexual performers are friggin' EVERYWHERE, and yet you're afraid to be openly bi. That's a real head scratcher!
ReplyDeleteThe negative reaction to identifying as bisexual should not be all that surprising. Gays make up such a small percentage of the population and have been denigrated for so long, when someone identifies as bisexual it's sort of like they are being both disloyal to their same sex loving brethren and keeping one foot in the straight world. Similarly, I think that is true of any minority group especially ethnic groups (Black, Hispanic, Jewish) who view those sitting on the fence between two groups as suspicious. You don't often see a biracial/biethnic person just calling themselves biracial, instead they often call themselves by one ethicity or another and usually the ethnicity that is in the minority. Halle Berry doesn't run around referring to herself as a white woman (she would have been only one of many white women who won a Best Actress Oscar), or generally as a woman of mixed ancestry. What kind of reaction do you think she would reveive from the black community if she were to do so? Therefore, I don't think it should be of any surprise to those declaring bisexuality to get a chilly reception, especially from gays who as a minority want to be clear who's part of their group. Blue dog Democrats are looked at with similar suspicion.
ReplyDeleteExcellent points, Dogstar.
ReplyDeleteAnother factor is that most bisexuals end up settling down in relationships with the opposite sex. They can always have heterosexual relationships and still be true to themselves. Gays don't have that option.
To me, the whole purpose in coming out is so that you can be open and honest about who you're attracted to. The "B" segment has been part of "LGBT" for a very long time now, so for a bi man to say he's gay is basically the same as a gay man saying he's straight; in other words, it's a lie. I'd have no problem whatsoever accepting someone who is bisexual. I would, however, have a problem accepting someone who lies.
And again, bi performers are everywhere in porn: Ricky Sinz, TJ Hawke, Blake Riley, Cameron Marshall, Tre Xavier, Francois Sagat, Tony Buff...and those are just the ones off the top of my head. Plus, everyone knows Chi Chi LaRue has a big passion for bisexuality. Very few (if any) true gays are in the porn industry in the first place. So again, I'm left scratching my head in wonder!
Both Mickey and Dogstar make valid points. My whole point in writing this post, was from the perspective of a performer that's new to the industry, and coming to terms with a label at the same time. There isn't any fear on my part in being bi, just a reluctance to check that box on an application, because of the reactions that I've seen within the gay community. If you're telling me that those reactions aren't to be taken seriously, it gives me pause. I don't have an exclusive contract with a major studio, and while there are many performers who are bi, they're definitely not in the situation of being a person of color as well. More than anything color will be a factor in a studio's decision to hire me. I've already been told, "that model doesn't work with black guys" or "we already have a black guy in our film, and don't need more than one in our stable of 20". I just wasn't sure whether coming out as bi, would detract or enhance my chances of work with other studios.... However, that's all water under the bridge now, as it seems that everybody knows that Race Cooper is a black, bi, Canadian. Hope that stops the head scratching.
ReplyDeleteOMG. You're Canadian! :o
ReplyDeleteAs you probably know, a lot of gay men think "bi" means 'I'm not comfortable saying I'm gay', or as a 'pit stop' on the way to being totally homosexual.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Gore Vidal that everyone is at least a little bisexual. We just fall on different parts of the spectrum.
BTW I'd LOVE to see the scene you described in your reply to arcanasinner!
Gay men can be just as narrow minded about sexuality as any straight person, alas.
ReplyDeleteTo correct a couple of misstatements in a post upthread: Blake Riley and Francois Sagat are both gay. They identify as such. Blake was curious to know what sex with a woman would be like, and Chi Chi La Rue provided him the opportunity in "Shifting Gears." He enjoyed the day's shoots and resumed his life with his boyfriend. This, to my mind, makes him a gay man who has had sex with a woman (two, actually, in that scene). Almost every gay man I know has had sex with a woman -- sometimes after coming out -- and still identifies as gay. And Francois made out with a woman in a very provocative video he has posted on his blog. God, if I could earn a nickel for every time I saw a gay man make out with a woman...
I'm gay, but I love (in fact, prefer, largely) watching straight and bisexual porn. I would not be able to control myself for a long stretch if you were successful in filming a scene of you eating out/fucking a woman while getting fucked.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI said Blake Riley and Francois Sagat are bi PERFORMERS. Add Arpad Miklos to that list too, by the way. I don't know if Francois has actually had sex with a woman on screen yet, but it's just a matter of time before he does.
ReplyDeleteAs I've said many, many times before, actions always speak louder than words. You can give yourself any label you want to (gay, straight, bi, whatever), but your actions will ultimate be what tells the world what you really are.
Which brings me to this point since you bring it up: It's one thing to get paid on camera to fuck whoever, but tell me honestly, why would a gay-identified man go out of his way to make out with a woman? I mean, really? Do people actually make out nowadays with people they're not attracted to? Or is it just a porn/drunken bar room/fag hag thing (get the chicks excited at the possibility they might actually get a chance to bed you)? Do you make out with women yet sleep with guys?
(last comment deleted because of a typo)